I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
