She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
