hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
