my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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