i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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