if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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