You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
