fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
