Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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