I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
