Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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