ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
