we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
