I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
