Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I intend to get homeless drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
