I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize