so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
