In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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