It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize