so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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