I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
