I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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