My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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