If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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