I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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