even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Less talking, more tequila
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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