I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
