I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
