I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
