My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
