When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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