I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
