Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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