hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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