Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
