dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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