Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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