My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize