Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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