Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need water and some morals
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
