I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
