I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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