Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
