My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
