and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
