then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
