Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
