I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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