I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
