Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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