He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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