She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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