Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize