he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
