I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have fence marks all over my body
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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