Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
