Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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