dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How does one acquire holy water?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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