I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
