Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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