I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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