She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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