Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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