It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
