anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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