Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
