I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
