I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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