Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
