just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
