hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
