Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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