i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
