im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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