I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
