In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize