dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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