im holly from the hills drunk
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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